I WANT LEMONADE
You, America are obsessed….obsessed! Do you know there’s a war going on? Of course you do; but do you know there are wars (plural) going on all around us? You may be able to come up with a few off the top of your head—The War on Terror, The War in Iraq, The War on Drugs—but are you aware of the hundreds of wars people are waging on each other, on…everything? I was always under the impression this country was fairly preoccupied with war; little did I know, we are genuinely obsessed.
The War on Teachers
The War on Choice
The War on Gay Teens
The War on Kids
The War on Rock ‘n Roll
The War on Lemonade Stands
The War on Weed
The War on Women
The War on Pornography
The War on Humanity
Thank you, Google (I think). Look them up—there literally are hundreds of “wars” people are attempting to wage all over this country. Yes, these things are very real, perfectly legitimate to those fighting them, but The War on Lemonade Stands? Honestly. There’s a War on Kids? I really hope someone meant that in gest, but I’m having difficulty finding that amusing; it’s funny what isn’t funny. As if those weren’t bad enough, we also have
The War on Guns
The War on Organized Labor
The War on Freedom
The War on Ron Paul
The War on Welfare
The War on Immigration
The War on the Middle Class
The War on Civil Liberties
The War on Voting
War, war, war everywhere! We can’t just lobby for things anymore, or picket, or sit-in. Millions of people in this country seem to have jumped ship from” U.S.S. Love Thy Neighbor,” and I fail to see how increasing the collective anger is going to get the point across with voting, or civil liberties, or even Ron Paul. As if social and political causes weren’t enough, we also have
The War on Science
The War on Apathy
The War on Consciousness
The War on Philanthropy
The War on Ideas
The War on Truth
My oh my . . . where do I begin?? The War on Apathy? I really doubt you’ll get much from the crowd. I take very personal offense to The War on Consciousness, but I’ll just meditate, showering the world with positive energy, knowing that my striving for consciousness is keeping me from punching these people in the face.
The War on Religion
The War on Christianity
The War on Islam
The War on Easter
The War on Christmas
The Christmas War on Atheism
That’s a joke, right? No? I was afraid of that . . .
The War on Bullshit
The War on South Carolina
The War on Beige
The War on Tupac
The War on Pajamas
The War on Buttons
The War on Humor
The War on Stupid
The War on Pubic Hair
Okay, now you’ve crossed a line. I was with you until The War on Tupac, but that’s going too far. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your War on Bullshit bullshit? Someone is going to have to stand up to these bastards, because if there comes a day when I can’t wear pajamas or I lose the right to have pubic hair, I’m out. These people . . . these poor, misguided, bored-to-tears people that can find nothing better to do with their time than attempt to wage war . . . on everything.
Doesn’t anyone remember Gandhi? Martin Luther King, Jr.? Yes! These men did things for social, political, and personal change that most can only aspire to. These brave, intelligent, kind human beings incited perhaps the most significant revolutions of the last hundred years. How, you might ask? Not with guns. There was nothing war-like about their tactics, nothing sinister, nothing wrong; how can you argue with non-violence? I dare you. I challenge anyone to tell me how a peaceful movement for change was the wrong way to go. Can you imagine if it had been called The War on Civil Rights? Would it have gone the same way? Would it have been as well received if Martin Luther King had said, “I have a dream that the black man will wage war on the white man”? (Flashback to news footage of Race War I . . . that did NOT go well.)
This is about what we WANT . . . NOT about what we don’t want!
I’ll make you a deal: you tell me what it is you want, and I’ll tell you what it is I want. If you want less civil liberties, say to me, “You know what I want? Less civil liberties.” I will be confused, but I will say, ”Tell me why.” Believe me, I was far more apt to listen to that than when you starting yelling, “WAR ON CIVIL LIBERTIES!” I will then respond with, “Well, I want more civil liberties, and I’ll tell you why.” You might actually listen.
Enough of this negative energy! Just give it a try . . . turn your words, your attitudes around by telling another person what you want, instead of complaining about all the things you don’t want. Spread a little positivity, and watch things change . . . just watch. They will.
And you–yes, you–people who want to do away with lemonade stands. You want less lemonade? Fine, don’t drink it. I am here to spread the word:
I WANT LEMONADE!
Breana Jossey is a junior at Ohio State Newark, with emphases in anthropology and writing.
“Understanding myself is to see my life on paper; in this way, I see humanity in its brightest and darkest forms. Here, I can be anything I choose to be, but I often find reality to be the most delicious….and surely the most ridiculous!”
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