Breana Jossey

I WANT LEMONADE

You, America are obsessed….obsessed! Do you know there’s a war going on? Of course you do; but do you know there are wars (plural) going on all around us? You may be able to come up with a few off the top of your head—The War on Terror, The War in Iraq, The War on Drugs—but are you aware of the hundreds of wars people are waging on each other, on…everything? I was always under the impression this country was fairly preoccupied with war; little did I know, we are genuinely obsessed.

The War on Teachers

The War on Choice

The War on Gay Teens

The War on Kids

The War on Rock ‘n Roll

The War on Lemonade Stands

The War on Weed

The War on Women

The War on Pornography

The War on Humanity

Thank you, Google (I think). Look them up—there literally are hundreds of “wars” people are attempting to wage all over this country. Yes, these things are very real, perfectly legitimate to those fighting them, but The War on Lemonade Stands? Honestly. There’s a War on Kids? I really hope someone meant that in gest, but I’m having difficulty finding that amusing; it’s funny what isn’t funny. As if those weren’t bad enough, we also have

The War on Guns

The War on Organized Labor

The War on Freedom

The War on Ron Paul

The War on Welfare

The War on Immigration

The War on the Middle Class

The War on Civil Liberties

The War on Voting

War, war, war everywhere! We can’t just lobby for things anymore, or picket, or sit-in. Millions of people in this country seem to have jumped ship from” U.S.S. Love Thy Neighbor,” and I fail to see how increasing the collective anger is going to get the point across with voting, or civil liberties, or even Ron Paul. As if social and political causes weren’t enough, we also have

The War on Science

The War on Apathy

The War on Consciousness

The War on Philanthropy

The War on Ideas

The War on Truth

My oh my . . . where do I begin?? The War on Apathy? I really doubt you’ll get much from the crowd. I take very personal offense to The War on Consciousness, but I’ll just meditate, showering the world with positive energy, knowing that my striving for consciousness is keeping me from punching these people in the face.

The War on Religion

The War on Christianity

The War on Islam

The War on Easter

The War on Christmas

The Christmas War on Atheism

That’s a joke, right? No? I was afraid of that . . .

The War on Bullshit

The War on South Carolina

The War on Beige

The War on Tupac

The War on Pajamas

The War on Buttons

The War on Humor

The War on Stupid

The War on Pubic Hair

Okay, now you’ve crossed a line. I was with you until The War on Tupac, but that’s going too far. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your War on Bullshit bullshit? Someone is going to have to stand up to these bastards, because if there comes a day when I can’t wear pajamas or I lose the right to have pubic hair, I’m out. These people . . . these poor, misguided, bored-to-tears people that can find nothing better to do with their time than attempt to wage war . . . on everything.

Doesn’t anyone remember Gandhi? Martin Luther King, Jr.? Yes! These men did things for social, political, and personal change that most can only aspire to. These brave, intelligent, kind human beings incited perhaps the most significant revolutions of the last hundred years. How, you might ask? Not with guns. There was nothing war-like about their tactics, nothing sinister, nothing wrong; how can you argue with non-violence? I dare you. I challenge anyone to tell me how a peaceful movement for change was the wrong way to go. Can you imagine if it had been called The War on Civil Rights? Would it have gone the same way? Would it have been as well received if Martin Luther King had said, “I have a dream that the black man will wage war on the white man”? (Flashback to news footage of Race War I . . . that did NOT go well.)

This is about what we WANT . . . NOT about what we don’t want!

I’ll make you a deal: you tell me what it is you want, and I’ll tell you what it is I want. If you want less civil liberties, say to me, “You know what I want? Less civil liberties.” I will be confused, but I will say,  ”Tell me why.” Believe me, I was far more apt to listen to that than when you starting yelling, “WAR ON CIVIL LIBERTIES!” I will then respond with, “Well, I want more civil liberties, and I’ll tell you why.” You might actually listen.

Enough of this negative energy! Just give it a try . . . turn your words, your attitudes around by telling another person what you want, instead of complaining about all the things you don’t want. Spread a little positivity, and watch things change . . . just watch. They will.

And you–yes, you–people who want to do away with lemonade stands. You want less lemonade? Fine, don’t drink it. I am here to spread the word:

I WANT LEMONADE!

Breana Jossey is a junior at Ohio State Newark, with emphases in anthropology and writing.

 “Understanding myself is to see my life on paper; in this way, I see humanity in its brightest and darkest forms. Here, I can be anything I choose to be, but I often find reality to be the most delicious….and surely the most ridiculous!”


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